You Have What It Takes (What every father needs to know) Part I

The Secret To Boys

Every little boy is asking one basic question.

You notice it in nearly everything he does. Little boy's love adventure! Whether it's making rope out of bedsheets to rappel down the side of the house, Batman style or taking his bicycle to a new level after his training wheels come off turning his corners a break neck speed, making skid marks and adding those extra sound effects that only he can do.

Look at the stories boys love, the games they play. They are full of battle and adventure and danger. They love to build things...and then blow 'em up. They love to jump off stuff. Every boy wants to be a hero. Every boy wants to be powerful, he wants to be dangerous, and he wants to know: Do I have what it takes?

That's the question every boy is asking: "Do I have what it takes?"

And when he grows a bit older, it turns to fast cars (the louder, the better), computer games of battle and adventure, and making the sports team. He wants to hit the home run in the bottom of the ninth. He wants to make a slam dunk just before the buzzer sounds. If he is academically inclined, well, then, he wants to come out on top. He wants to prove himself. And all through those years, when he's riding his bike with no hands or trying to look cool and doing all those other things that boys do, he is looking to impress you.

Because every boy shares the same basic question: "Do I have what it takes?"

And every boy looks to his dad to answer it.

The Secret To Girls

Every little girl is asking one basic question too. But it's very different question.

You can observe it there in nearly everything she does. They love to brush each others hair and go to tea parties. Sitting down over make-believe china, being very polite, and having "grown-up" conversations make the party an entirely feminine affair. It's all part of those relational games that girls create. Boys may have invented hockey, but little girls invented games like "wedding day" and "mommies and daddies" and "rescue the princess." You don't have to teach them to do it--it comes naturally. It's part of their design.

This is not to say that girls dislike adventure. They love to climb trees and make mud pies and all that. Many girls love to play sports. But there is something profoundly different between little boys and little girls. Watch them on a rainy day. Trapped inside the house, boys make up games like "terrorize the cat" and "urban commando." Girls cuddle and care for a favorite doll or stuffed animal, or they dress up the family puppy. Speaking of "dress up," that was a feminine creation as well. Give a group of girls a chest of gowns and shoes and Mom's costume jewelry, and they are captured for hours playing "princess" and "movie star" and generally being beautiful.

For her the question is very different from that of her brothers. Every little girl wants to know: Am I lovely? 

And when she grows a bit older, she talks on the phone for hours and wants to know who is dating whom. While the guy is clueless about what to wear to the prom, it is a very big deal for a young woman. She watches shows about relationships, pores over fashion magazines and bridal magazines and loves to get flowers from a secret admirer. Why are flowers such a big deal for women? I have been sent flowers once in my life, and I thought it was weird. But my wife loves to get flowers. Have you ever wondered why? Because of what it says, I'm thinking of you...I delight in you. All through those years, when she's dressing up and doing shows for you and playing princess and trying to look beautiful and shedding tears over the fact that she might not be, she is trying to capture your attention.

She wants to know: Am I lovely? That's the question every little girl is asking. And she looks to her dad to answer it.

What A Father Needs To Do

I'm going to make fathering very simple: answer your child's question with yes a thousand times over again. It's not rocket science and it doesn't matter how old your children are age does not matter. They will always want to hear those words from you. This will remain true for the rest of each one's life.